O-mama - Opinionated Moms

Book MAMA's review of: VANITY FAIR’S PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE: 101 LUMINARIES PONDER LOVE, DEATH, HAPPINESS AND THE MEANING OF LIFE

I’ve always loved forms and questionnaires…not the medical kind where you have to dig up your insurance card and remember the circumference of your child’s head, just the fun ones.  My sisters and I did them constantly when we were little to pass the time on long car rides—(pre Ipad/pod /everything).  Those forms were fairly basic—favorite color, food, number, animal—but those oh so vital statistics could change a lot as one matured.  We went from pink/cotton candy/#7/ and bunnies to slightly cooler preteen answers…maybe black or green/ pizza or tacos/ the gutsy favorite #13/ and dolphins or dogs or “a great big eagle that I can ride”—a direct quote from one of my more daring and telling entries.

I guess it was all part of finding ourselves…”who am I?” think Anthony Michael Hall in Breakfast Club…who are you?  How do you explain it? Concisely? Coherently?  If someone had made me do the form when I was 25 I would have written, black/ravens/vodka/and then just dissolved in tears and cigarette smoke. 

But that’s why Proust’s questionnaire is so brilliant.  It started out as a “parlor” game, so basically bored, drunk people hanging out, but his questions were a little more probing, a bit more defining—and though much harder to answer—far more conducive to good conversation and debate, which is what a good parlor game is all about—at least in my parlor.

The Proust Questionnaire has always been my favorite part of Vanity Fair which is one of my favorite magazines—second only to Veranda and Architectural Digest that are more like interior designer wannabe porn for me.

I’ve always loved the PQ…always turn to it first and then basically read the magazine backward.  I’ve often wondered how much time each subject had to answer the various questions.  Some people are wildly funny and spot on—seemingly totally spontaneous.  And others seem more thoughtful—like they took a bit more time.  The interesting thing is that even the answers of the famous and/ or infamous who seemed to find the whole thing to be just a larky task--are telling and poignant making me think that Marcel knew what he was doing no matter how high on absinthe he was.

So I was thrilled to find this collection of a whole bunch of last pages of VF in one book!   I got it as a gift—well sort-of, I was looking at it at my sister’s place and she told me to just take it.  So I ordered it for a bunch of other people and decided immediately to make it my Feb. review—and take the questionnaire myself--so knowing that, I forced myself to just leaf through and not read in depth.  I only saw enough to note that the editors did a great job of including a diverse group and also saw that there are those who can winnow their answers to 1 simple word for each question(Fran Liebowitz) and others that need a paragraph or more for every question…(Anna Wintour).  There are those that take every question very seriously as if they are going to be graded (Matt Damon) and those that cannot take the questions or themselves seriously for even thirty seconds (Ellen Degeneres.) 

One thing that is very hard when taking a questionnaire like this is trying not to get bogged down in trying to sound smart or cool or deep and not just be honest, and I would imagine that is even harder for people that are in the public eye and ALWAYS  concerned about the image they are projecting…though Proust himself would argue that even one’s “canned” or publicist approved responses are telling.

So as promised: here are my responses to the famed Proust  Questionnnaire.  They are not easy questions, and my answers would have conceivably been different on another day.  It’s a fun book to pick up and read a bit of here and there and the questions are great conversation starters—and according to Proust—the entirety of the form is an absolutely telling barometer of one’s personality—defining on all levels.

(Bear in mind that it’s very hard for me to take anything too seriously including this questionnaire but I did my best and then realized after reading everyone else’s responses that I’m not the only one who has trouble with that—for example : Paul Newman said his favorite journey was “to the beer cooler.”)

What is your most marked characteristic?

I’m a good listener, a fun girl to have drinks with…

Physically: I have a pretty big freckly birthmark on the back of my left leg—should be great for eventual body identifying purposes.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Self deprecation, sense of humor, utter and genuine adoration of women.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Self deprecation, not too catty, not too concerned with appearances.

What do you most value in your friends?

Their ability to make me laugh, their ability to keep secrets, their ability to make me feel slightly less crazy.

What is your favorite occupation?

Painting with big brushes on big canvases with a big glass of wine and great music.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I have a hard time relaxing, (without chemical help), I worry too much, I glamorize the tortured artist persona to a ridiculous degree.  I could go on…

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

People taking themselves too seriously.  Extremes of behavior.  Lacking basic politesse/consideration.  Bigotry.

What is the most overrated virtue?

Virtue.

When do you lie?

When it will protect someone’s feelings.

What do you most despise?

Evil people who harm children.  Not a big fan of organized religion either. 

What talent do you wish to have?

I’d like to be able to sing and play the guitar and the harmonica and smoke a cigarette all at the same time.

When were you happiest?

This is a hard one for me…there were glimmers of blindly ignorant happiness in the 80’s and 90’s…terrifying happiness with marriage and babies, astounding proud happiness as the kids have gotten older....not really looking for bliss…more contentment I guess.  Have had some lovely moments even in the past 9 months or so.  Good music makes me happy.  Puppies and babies too.

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?

Dick and Nicole Diver.

Henry Winter

Hermione Grangier

Edward Cullen

Rowan Mayfair

What is your favorite journey?

To the Mauna Kea Beach hotel…right into the warm ocean water and then right up to the Gazebo Bar for a Fredrico.

What is your current state of mind?

A little weary, bleary-eyed, hopeful.

What is your motto?

Happiness is beautiful, wear it on your face! (that was my quote in my 8^th grade yearbook in 1981)

Or alternately:

Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke.

Who are your favorite writers?

Fitzgerald

Donna Tartt

David Sedaris

Augusten Burroughs

John Fante

Tennesse Williams

Joan Didion

Salinger

Hunter Thompson

If you could change one think about about yourself what would it be?

Worry less.  Write more. Paint more.

If you could change one thing about your family what would it be?

Extended family?  That might have to remain classified.  I do wish my husband had been able to know his father.

What is your greatest achievement?

My kids are pretty great but not sure I can take the credit for that…hopefully my great achievements are still to come.

If you could die and come back as a person or thing what would it be?

Something that flies? 

What is your most treasured possession?

I’m not really a material girl…so maybe my photos? My zippo? My dog?

What is your greatest fear?

Something bad happening to one of my kids or getting Alzheimer’s and forgetting all the good times.

Who or what is the greatest love of your life?

My family.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Good friends, good drinks, no place to be…everyone I love happy and safe.

Which living persons do you most admire?

Keith Richards

Mick Jagger

Martin Scorsese

Seth Myers

Bill Heder

Kristin Wiig

Will Ferrell

Bruce Robinson

Johnny Knoxville

People that write crossword puzzles

Which historical figures do you most admire?

Picasso

Matisse

Abraham Lincoln

Patrick Henry

Betty Friedan

The pioneers

Chagall

Rousseau

The explorers

Richard Burton

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Gnarly

Oh, for fuck’s sake

What is your greatest extravagance?

Extra foot rub at the pedicure place.

And private planes…given the opportunity.

What are your favorite names?

Daisy and Mandy

What do you consider to be the lowest depth of misery?

Trapped at a 7 course dinner with people who talk too much and not enough booze.

Where would you like to live?

I’m a big believer in “wherever you go, there you are,” but I do like Carmel—the woods meeting the shore and all that.

How would you like to die?

Somewhat peacefully—ideally in a morpheine fog--surrounded by people that will miss me but are glad they knew me.

What is your greatest regret?

That I didn’t study harder at Stanford.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Right this instant: my varicose veins; and aging really is as bad as they said it would be—I have become a big fan of dimmers on lights, scarves on lamps, all candles.

So that’s it!  Use the questions during cocktail hour or try to answer them yourself.  I found after reading the whole book that there were some interesting commonalities…most people were happiest when their children were born.  Most people want to die in their sleep.  A lot of people admire Nelson Mandela and Ghandi.  Bette Midler stole my quote.  People that are funny in movies aren’t necessarily funny in real life.  Some people think of people as possessions.  Joan Rivers is gutsy and awesome and said that she doesn’t look up to anyone and doesn’t feel that anyone living today is deserving of hero worship.  And Carrie Fisher strikes me as someone with whom I may have a lot in common.  Not everyone answered all the questions, so it’s hard to say if the form was varied or the so-called luminaries just opted out of some.  So there you go…light reading about heavy topics.