O-mama - Opinionated Moms

Book MAMAs review of: ALWAYS WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR AND OTHER WAYS PARENTS SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’, by Marc Gellman; Illustrated by Debbie Tilley

I hate to do this to you again, but in my library work wanderings doing inventory, I found this gem of a book, but I don’t think it’s going to be an easy one to track down!  Because of that, I’ve semi-summarized it below so even if you can’t find the book, you can get the gist of it here. 

The bottom line is…everything you say to your kids means I love you, and if you think about it, that’s really true.

Recently I’ve said a few things to my kids that really meant I love you:

“No, you can’t have cheez-its and Hershey bars for snack…why? Because it’s gross and unhealthy and BECAUSE I LOVE YOU and I want you to feel good and happy.”

“No, you can’t go out on the roof…why?  Because it’s a stupid idea and you could break your neck and BECAUSE I LOVE YOU and I would die if you died.”

“No, you can’t go to the movies with a group of boys and girls…why? Because you’re 12 and that’s ridiculous and all boys will ever want is to get in your pants and BECAUSE I LOVE YOU and want you to stay young and innocent as long as is realistically possible."

“No, you can’t play wii games all day long…why? Because it’s couch potato-ish and creepy and it’s a beautiful day and BECAUSE I LOVE YOU and want you to feel good about yourself and appreciate the world around you."

So, Marc Gellman has a great voice in this book.  He doesn’t preach.  He’s funny, and he has great examples of all the things we say…and what we really mean and how it all boils down to saying “I love you” in a hundred different ways.  It’s a book your older child himself can read or a book you can read together.

THE LIST:

(or the way your parents show you that they love you; the way they try to help you grow up into a good and kind and decent person with good manners and good friends and, someday a good family of your own)

Everything your parents nag you about has a little meaning and a big meaning.  These big meanings will make the little meanings seem less like nagging and more about you seeing how hard and how important it is to learn to be good.

1. Always wear clean underwear: WHAT PEOPLE DON’T SEE ABOUT YOU SHOULD BE JUST AS GOOD AS WHAT PEOPLE DO SEE ABOUT YOU
2. Don’t pee in the pool: DON’T DO BAD STUFF EVEN IF THERE IS NO CHANCE THAT YOU WILL BE CAUGHT
3. Eat your vegetables: WHAT YOU WANT IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT YOU NEED
4. Take out the garbage: YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DO HARD, DIRTY JOBS
5. Look both ways before you cross the street: DON’T JUMP INTO THINGS
6. Keep your shoes off the couch: BE RESPECTFUL
7. Don’t talk with your mouth full: YOU NEED TO LEARN TO DO JUST ONE THING AT A TIME
8. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know: YOU NEED TO LEARN WHAT THINGS REALLY COST
9. Share your toys: PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN TOYS
10. Tie your shoes: YOU SHOULD FINISH WHAT YOU START
11. Walk/feed the dog: YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE ONES YOU LOVE, NO MATTER WHAT
12. Always say please and thank you: EVERYTHING YOU GET IS A GIFT
13. Don’t go swimming right after you eat: YOU NEED TO LEARN TO WAIT
14. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: YOU NEED TO PRAISE OTHERS JUST AS MUCH AS YOU NEED TO BE PRAISED
15. I’m gonna count to three and then…YOU NEED TO HEAR THE COUNTING BEFORE THE KABOOM—THERE IS ALWAYS A SIGN OF TROUBLE COMING
16. Don’t talk to your Father/Mother like that: ALL PEOPLE DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH KINDNESS AND APPRECIATION
17. Clean your plate: BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE
18. Do your homework: PREPARE FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO
19. Cover your mouth when you sneeze: DON’T HURT ANYBODY, EVEN IN LITTLE WAYS
20. Stand up straight: SHOW EVERYONE THAT YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
21. Say you’re sorry: YOU NEED TO FIX UP WHAT YOU MESS UP
22. Don’t judge a book by its cover: LOOK DEEPER
23. Don’t hit: THERE ARE LOTS OF WAYS TO WORK SOMETHING OUT WITHOUT HITTING
24. Don’t copy off your neighbor: FIND YOUR OWN WAY IN LIFE
25. I hope that when you grow up you have a kid just like you: PUT YOURSELF IN SOMEBODY ELSE’S SHOES
26. Go give Grandma a kiss: YOU NEED TO RESPECT AGE
27. Call if you are going to be late: WHAT YOU DO AFFECTS EVERYBODY WHO LOVES YOU
28. Do as I say, not as I do: THE RIGHT THING IS BIGGER THAN ANY TEACHER
29. Because I say so: YOU HAVE TO LOVE AND TRUST GOOD PEOPLE IF YOU ARE GOING TO GROW UP GOOD
30. It’s time for bed: YOU NEED TO LEARN DISCIPLINE
31. Say your prayers: YOU NEED TO FIND SOME TIME IN YOUR DAY TO CHECK IN WITH GOD
32. I love you: YOU CAN’T SAY IT TOO MUCH AND EVERYTHING ABOVE IS JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING I LOVE YOU

I have said at least 10 of the above things in just the last 48 hours so it’s nice to know these things are universal and truly important and far less silly than your kids might make you think!  I love this book because it validates everything we say and helps both grown-ups and kids understand what we really mean!

So, kids, listen to your parents when they say something that seems absurd and pointless to you, all they are really saying is that they love you.