O-mama - Opinionated Moms

I will always believe this falls back to the parents. If u really think of the masses, the kids, and how many there are it is hard to wrap your head around. The only things we can go with is what we saw in school. I am a firm believer that if the kids took care of one another the bullying would decrease substantially. We have the leader which is usally always the bully. What I have never been able to understand and probably never will, the kids that follow him/her in their cliques (which have also been going on since the beginning of time) go along with it when u know most of those kids knows it is wrong but instead of standing up and doing what is right they become a shrinking violet making them just as culpable as the leader. We grow up with certain principles and beliefs and we have to stand for something or we just exist. I cannot tell u how many things have happened to me in this journey of life because I do believe in the right things which doesn't necessarily mean I have always followed them. Here is a jewel for u and try to figure this one out. My youngest of five is a boy (now a man) and I never had any behavior problems with him in school. Being the fifth kid in a large family they are use to more harassing from their older siblings so he was never a whiner. I never had time for that crap cuz u are trying to hold everything together as a single mom. Well, this kid gets in the 7th grade and I get a call from the middle school telling me he is doing the work of a 3rd grader. I was stunned as I am quickly thinking shit that is four years ago. I was extremely angry and demanded to know how this could possible happen. Now when he was in elementary school he was in one of the best school districts around. I never heard a peep from any of those teachers. So when this happens to a child, at least here, they do massive testing on the child, psychological, academically, etc. Then what they do is they have a school here to whom I will be eternally grateful they put the child in. It is a single classroom where they stay all day and they try to bring all these kids up to grade level and transition them over to the appropriate school. He was in that school for four years and for at least a year had been on me about being transitioned to high school. I had worked closely with his advocate and she didn't feel he was ready yet so I explained to him that would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water. Thank God he wasn't one of those kids that is always on your butt till they get what they want. So finally when he transitioned he was a sophomore in high school. These kids are put in different classrooms and graduate with a different set of points. I ask him if any of the kids use to make fun of him and he said "no". There are all different kinds of cases in these schools which doesn't make the kid mentally challenged or any of that. Just like with any kid, some work at a faster pace then others, others catch on quicker then others or u can be like be where i wouldn't let the teacher go on until i really did get it cuz i was smart enough to know if I couldn't do A I sure the hell wouldn't be able to do B. My son grew up to me a wonderful man, very talented and doing great today. It still angers me that kids get passed through like this and u can't hold the teacher responsible. I know when I went to school if u couldn't do the work, they would hold u back. I don't think they do that anymore unfortunately. We need to get rid of all the bad teachers and make sure they are not so protected it takes forever to fire them because our kids are suffering and paying for their incompetence.

I am a teacher and a mom. I hear kids verbally bully one another every day...for no reason. It sickens me, but I never ignore it! I had a seven year old student call another boy "gay". I told him that he should never call another person that name, and did he even know what it meant. He replied, "Yea, it means two boys who sleep together. I saw it on Maury Povich." I sent the boy to detention (indoor punishment...no recess). My son is called "queer" and "gay" at his middle school because he plays tennis, not football. He has been undefeated for last two years and conference champ. He is tall, good looking and from an upper middle class family. He still gets bullied. I ask myself all the time, "WHAT is wrong with all of these kids and families?!" The insanity has to stop, and we as parents, educators, and Christians need to step-up and have a louder voice!!!

I saw this letter on a blog and thought it was brilliant... Letter to my daughter ( in the wake of senseless tragedy) Hello my girl, I wanted to say hi and tell you how much I miss you and that I hope your classes are going well and that you are having fun too. But I also have to have a mommy moment- bear with me here. I won't take long, and I won't be saying anything I haven't already said in one form or another, but it is important. You may or may not have heard about the NJ college student who killed himself last week because his room-mate had posted videotape of him having sex with another guy. A terrible, senseless tragedy. My mommy job requires that I remind you of two essential things: One: Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING. Two: Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING. If that young man had only waited a couple of weeks nobody would have cared- he'd have gotten past it. People have short memories- life would have gotten better, much better. His parents and friends? They loved him prior to the tape- they would have loved him afterward too. A few awkward moments and then life goes on. But when you are young you don't know that even the awkward moments are fleeting. On this, you just have to trust the old people. Remember when you were really small and cried and cried over something? Well, it didn't last. That's kind of what it's like- awful things happen, you feel like there's a rock in the pit of your stomach, somehow time goes by and it gets better. I promise you, it ALWAYS gets better. The students, a girl and boy, who were involved in the taping and posting-- they are being charged with bias crime, invasion of privacy and possibly other things. Their college life is over. They will have to live with this death the rest of their lives-- and their families are devastated. What they did was so wrong- but also so kid-stupid. Not to mention mean. And so their lives will be different forever- but even so- their families will love them and they will have time enough to hopefully live in such a way as to make meaning from their mistake. So, my beautiful girl, never, ever think something is unfixable. NOTHING you do will ever keep us from loving you. NOTHING you do could be so awful you can't get past it. And if someone is mean to you, and it isn't something you can ignore-- seek out people to talk to about it. Surround yourself with people who are supportive. If you ever need help and don't know how to ask- try writing a letter instead. And right now- before you might need such help- think about who you would talk to if needed. In the midst of turmoil sometimes we don't always think as clearly- having a plan makes it easier to find help in crisis. And remember there are always alternatives. Always. Finally, don't be mean. Don't let other people be mean. Stand up for the underdog, protect those who aren't as smart or confident or easygoing as yourself. Treat people's feelings like fragile little puppies- if you play with them- be gentle. I love you so much and I know you really don't need me to tell you this stuff.... but it's my job. Love and hugs, Mommy

It says right there, parents were aware, and they let it happen. Just love the way they want to pretend to be victims.

This is a good article if you care to read it. Go to http://www.crosswalk.com/11628763/ or search "Bullied to Death: The Failure of Modern Moral Education by S. Michael Craven" This is his 1st paragraph. "Over the last few months, I have been struck by the terrible tragedy of Phoebe Prince, the 15-year-old Irish immigrant who hanged herself in January after suffering months of relentless public torment by her peers in South Hadley, Massachusetts. Phoebe’s story is one more in what appears to be a growing problem in America’s schools, which raises the inevitable question, “What does this say about us and our culture?” Are there lessons to be learned—warnings, if you will—about where our society may be headed?" One of the things that struck me in his article is that he said, regarding those at the candle light vigil - where were they when this bullying was going on? Good question.

Would love to hear other people's opinions.

Although the school is liable for allowing this to take place on campus this is something that parents ultimately must deal with. If kids are aggressive and are bullies it is your responsibility as a parent to make sure your kid gets the necessary counseling or behavior modification. We need to teach kids that it is NOT okay to make others feel like less so you can feel like more. That it is not okay to lash out at others if you are being lashed out against at home. We need counselors in schools who can work with kids who display bullying traits, who in turn can work with their parents to insure this type of thing doesn't get out of control.

I am sick about this situation...bullying starts early. Kids that get away with it grow up to be bullies. Teachers and parents need to start taking it VERY SERIOUSLY because the consequences are heart-breaking.