O-mama - Opinionated Moms

Thanks for the raw post MAMA!

MAMAS, One of our O-MAMAs is going through a divorce. She has decided to journal and share her experience step-by-step with all of us, so she can have an outlet for all of the emotions she is going through and we can be there to listen, share our own experiences and offer advice for her KID-Os. Thanks MAMAS!

Shop until you drop MAMA!

You are so right, we must never, ever, ever forget the Rock Stars we are! It is okay to love ourselves, while we love and nurture others! Actually, we will have more to give if we give to ourselves first.

Hey divorced moms....chat with Michelle and I on OPRAH RADIO Tomorrow 4/27 at 4pm CST We will be talking with Dr. Laura Berman about BLENDED FAMILIES.... Tune in and call in XM 156 or Sirius 195. Call in to 1-866-OPRAH-XM.

Great thoughts! Everyone needs to channel the rock star, divorced or not! But especially after a divorce when you are newly free and a little scarred up by the experience and trying to remember who that 20 something chick was...while at the same time feeling that you KNOW and ARE so much more than she. The saying "youth is wasted on the young" is so true, just imagine a world of uber savvy and wise 20 something women with those young bods and rock star moves to boot? No man would stand a chance. So, we have to embrace the older and wiser versions of ourselves, wrinkles and all.... and just rock it!

Uh...check my flow~ I love that song and I love the analogy!! It's so true that as mom's and when we are married we so often put our own needs or desires at the back of the list. With our husband's and children being all that matters...More often than I care to admit I wonder where is 'that' girl I used to be? Where are all my old 'parts' i.e. Rock Moves? Thank you for reminding me that I am a sum of all my parts, and those rock moves are still within me...

You are right....MOMS DO ROCK!

Cindy Lou Who indeed...what a great article...and what an important message. Friends are the glue. The men can come and go, but it IS the friends and family who keep us strong no matter what life throws at us. This was inspired. None of us could face change or a new year without them!

Please read the new Diary of a Divorced Mom's blog entry! Happy New Year.

Ajeanie I think you missed my message. Abusers should get kicked to the curb. I was speaking about the dating while still married and the impact of divorce on children that was not being addressed in this room much. In my experience I have found that people don't change much, so you are right about that! Don't be afraid! Charge ahead. Also, spend some time in the other chat rooms because there is more to life, and some really smart conversations going on about politics, money, education, religion, etc. Your horizons are going expand, now that the weight of this is off of your shoulders. Enjoy the richer, more satisfying life you and your child deserve.

Thanks joemama and ocmama, its really hard to go through divorce and I am just now getting ready too. I have filed the papers and he gets served next week. I am scared and relieved at the same time. I filed for divorce last year and then stopped them b/c he said he and I wanted to work harder on our marriage but really nothing has changed. I would be done with this divorce if I didnt stop them in the first place but I would have always wondered if it wouldve really worked. But now I am 110% sure he isnt going to change, but maybe he will spend more time with his son now. I am just really scared of the unknown.... Life isnt always what you think it will be.

Check out all the news from this weekend!

oh my gosh "Ajeanie"!!! You were so right to get out of that!!! I think that it's a slippery slope for the kids AFTER the split, right? It sounds like the kids were better off without that "stuff" going on! It must have taken so much strength and courage to be free from that man! Nickimomof3 is so happy with her new guy which is so great for her to be so happy with a man again. I can't help but think back tho, of when my mom started dating "joe". His ex-wife "sue" seemed so bitchy and angry everytime I heard about her. But as we got to know "joe" better, his true colors started to show and we realized maybe "sue" had a reason for being so bitter toward this man. I wonder what Nickimomof3 would think of her prince if she heard the ex-wife's perspective of what this man is like, before she had him move in. Just a thought.

Ajeanie - so sorry for your situation, no one should ever stay when they are abused...emotionally, verbally or physically...but, I think the point 'spunkymom' was making was that the man that Nickimomof3 is dating is not divorced yet. Clearly, Nickimomof 3 seems thrilled with her new relationship, but I wonder how her boyfriend's wife is feeling? Going through a divorce is painful for everyone involved...men usually just jump in bed with the next gal that comes along.

Spunkymom- I am sorry and dont mean to be rude...But when you are called a "a F%$#ing Bitch" or "F*&^ YOu" in front of your children repeatedly and are not appreciated for running two business and the household and taking care of the children that desperately want to be with their father but cant because he rather be fishing with his buddies. Is definitely grounds for divorce. Many moms stay with their husbands for the children, thats not fair for the moms to be unhappy for the rest of their lives b/c the children want a mom and dad. I do not believe in divorce but when someone like myself is being verbally abused in front of their children.... goes to marriage counseling and trys for the marriage and the husband does not...well then here's your sign. Again I am sorry.... I got married very young and thought my husband would change. Obviously I was wrong he only got worse.

I agree with 'spunkymom'. She may be controversial, but Dr. Laura would have a field day with this one!!!!!

I'm new to the group, and have some comments. Doesn't anyone stay together anymore? It sounds like some of you girls have been abused and you had reason to leave, but when there are children involved, isn't divorce supposed to be the last resort? There is a gal who is dating a man with children who is not divorced yet himself, is that considered normal these days? I may be old fashioned, but I thought I would bring up some points that no one else is mentioning in here.

Read the new blog!

Sounds a lot like what I went through. Do RUN!!! I have learned through experience that the verbal abuse just gets worse. I always had the biggest personality and I saw myself change into something and someone I didn’t recognize. My friends and family saw it to. It takes a strong woman to leave but you will be stronger for it. I helped my ex with his company and that’s hard, but walk away from it. I was with my ex for a total of 14 years. I was scared to leave because I thought I was always going to be alone or who would want me because according to my ex, I was fat and ugly (which I am not) but for years I believed it and I have 3 kids. Trust me, the perfect one is out there for you just waiting. Relationships are work, but sounds like he has no interest in putting in that work. It will be hard but you will make it through it and be happy again. I am blissfully happy. My self esteem is so high again it’s all about loving yourself first and then you will be able to love again. Just don't settle, my standards were set very high!!! Its so wonderful being loved for me and being loved by someone that doesn't want to change a thing about me. Those men are out there...few and far between but they are out there!!!

Thank You Nickimomof3 and thank you to this site. I am getting ready to go through a divorce. I have a 3 year old and I am terrified. I have been with my husband for 11 years and I am terrified of being alone. I have never been with out him. I help start two companies and ran both companies with him. I have changed but he has not... I really tried to make our marriage work by going to marriage counseling and I personally went and saw a life coach. He didnt want to do the homework that the marriage conselor gave us. And he is verbal abusive to me. None of my friends or family says I should try anymore. They all say run dont walk away. I am at my breaking point with him but it is so hard . Any advice going into this divorce?

Love this chat room! I wanted to post something to give all you divorce moms hope. Yes attorneys are horrible and my suggestion is get it done and don’t fight the small stuff because the attorneys will bill and bill and they want you to fight. I’m a divorced mom of 3 beautiful children. My divorce was final almost 6 years ago but I very quickly got back together with my ex after our divorce was final. Dumb me!!!! There was a reason why we all are divorcing our husbands. He promised he would change and he did for a little bit but then turned worse than ever again. I lived with him for 5 years after our divorce and endured years more verbal abuse. Until one day last year I said enough was enough. With help from my friends and family I had the courage to leave him permanently. He ripped me down so bad my self esteem was nothing and I felt I didn’t deserve better. Slowly my friends and family built me back piece by piece and until I felt almost whole again. I had to love myself again before I could let anyone in. Mid this year I was introduced by a mutual friend to an incredible man. I wasn’t looking for it, either was he but we fell in love. This man treats me like a queen and loves me for me without wanting to change anything. I wouldn’t want to change him either. He is a Dad of two and going through a divorce too. Almost final Yay! I always said I would never marry again, it was just a piece a paper but now I would marry this man in a heartbeat. We have taken it slow when it comes to his kids because this is all new to them. It’s been hard for me not to know them because I love my boyfriend so much and I love his kids already because they are a part of him. My kids love him but soon we will all integrate, can’t wait…that will be wonderful! My ex is having a horrible time with me moving on and his ex is not dealing with it that well either. I think they both thought we were just going to be a fling but 5 months later we are stronger than ever. Its not that they were easily replaced, it was the fact that they weren’t right for us. Its not if the one your with is perfect…it is are you perfect for each other? My kids have never been happier because they finally get to see what a healthy relationship should look like. He found that final piece of me that was missing and completed me. Love is a great thing when you finally find your soul mate. It took me 37 years to find mine. Do you do it on Match.com or eharmony??? Maybe… it has been done before, or do you sit back and when you’re ready it will come to you. My point is…there is life, love and happiness after divorce. Divorce is never fun…but we are all strong women and we and our children will all be stronger once it’s over!!

ooh, this sounds like the place to be...

Hey O-MAMA's check out our great new discussion group starter topic and tell us what you think!

Is anyone an attorney or know an attorney? How come when you are going through a divorce, you need to make three thousand copies of financials for the attorneys at every turn? so many copies so little time

I was just in hot button...anyone know about how to keep the re-entry after weekend with ex easy for the kids theycome home kind of tweaky and strange ....like they've been holding it together all weekend and they lose it when they come home

Whats the saying...Patience is a Virtue?

momof2 - not only will you feel "normal again", you will feel empowered & more alive than you've ever felt.I have been through the bid D. There's nothing like the freedom of being out of relationship where there wasn't enough compatibility & the feelings weren't mutual. Hang in there, mama!

Tell me that there is light at the end of this tunnel!!! Will I ever feel normal again?