O-mama - Opinionated Moms

• By David Nicholls • 10 Comments
• Tagged in: For Moms

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The minute I finished this book, I literally almost went right back to the beginning and started again.  It’s that good and amazing and funny and sad and TRUE TO LIFE!  Even though I hate the term “beach read” –this is the greatest beach read ever because it’s so well, READABLE. Nicholls is truly a MASTER of his craft.  I’m willing to bet that there are thousands of writers in the world right now that wish they had written this book.  It has been a long time since I have experienced characters that are so multi-dimensional and so “fleshed out” as they say.  I miss them terribly already.

The construct or concept is simple.  We are introduced to Dexter and Emily—British schoolmates who have only just met and are “hooking up”—on the eve of their graduation from university in 1988.  We then revisit them on the same day in July every year following until nearly the present day.  It sounds almost silly in its simplicity—and maybe it’s because I graduated in 1989 and was relatively aimless throughout my twenties as Dex and Em are—but this story and these characters truly strike a chord (especially for us—dare I say it—forty somethings.)

So Nicholls gives us all those moments—those moments of pride and those moments that we try not to think about.  Dexter’s good looks take him into television, but his partying knocks him off the pedestal of fame.  Emma works her way up from server to manager in a Mexican restaurant.  Dexter “travels” in an effort to broaden his mind.  Emma lives with a comedian for a while who is cringingly not funny.  Dexter knocks someone up and has to marry her.   And all through this they stay in touch—friends though only, best friends—though they both have their periods of longing for the other.  Then too, they have periods when they don’t speak; when their lifestyles have driven them too far apart to communicate effectively.  Then they are forced to “reconnect” at other couples’ weddings.  Remember that hideous and expensive onslaught of weddings from the mid to late twenties that we either just attended or were actually IN??? 

And then Dexter’s child is born and Emma is godmother, and Nicholls is just spot on with some of his descriptions of “baby care.”  Honestly, from unrequited love to grim late night ecstasy parties—from being the young self absorbed “pre-parent” to suddenly becoming a “wage earner”, a driver (!)—essentially in service to our young, Nicholls has that rare gift of simply being able to capture it—make it funny and utterly real.   

Again, I might just be the perfect audience for this book—as a lot of us 40-ish mamas are, but I do think there is a universality to this type of “coming of age” tale—especially with the technological advances we’ve all witnessed.  Dex and Em go from crappy answering machines and plastic football shaped novelty phones to the ubiquitous cell phones etc. with texting/emailing capabilities that suddenly none of us can live without!

It is sort-of a British When Harry met Sally, in a lot of ways—but a nice long descriptive novel instead of a movie!!   I have heard it’s in “development at the studios in Hollywood” and I can’t imagine juicier roles for two up and comers.  The dialogue and constant interaction between Dex and Em is priceless and hilarious.

Okay, true confessions time: maybe this book resonated more with me than most.  I graduated college with little or no “plan for the future.”  I travelled—(drank abroad instead of in the states.)  I worked in Hollywood—first for an agent then for a producer—not very glamorous—pre-Anita Hill, so in hindsight have realized that I was sexually harassed pretty much on a daily basis—nothing serious!  Closest to stardom: dated Keanu Reeves friend!  Played chess with Keanu!  Then moved to Bay Area—substitute teaching, and working with special needs kids—somewhat closer to true “calling” if you will, but still no clue.  I lived alone at times.  I had roommates other times.  I was a cocktail waitress, a regular waitress and a hostess.  I did voice-overs for Planned Parenthood Promos and fought against pro-life picketers.  I read and summarized scripts for busy producers ($50/ script), giving an initial green or red light.  (Red lighted Sliver and green lighted Pulp Fiction—thank God.)  Finally found my “place” teaching Kindergarten, never left California—I mean I took trips and so forth but never lived out of state.  Most embarrassing to admit is that most of the important “life” decisions I made were based on whatever the “tortured artist boyfriend” at the time wanted  me to do.  Lovely, eh?  Don’t tell my daughters.  And also don’t tell my daughters how often I didn’t even go to class when I was in college!  My greatest regret in life is not taking advantage of that educational opportunity—makes a good argument for 18 years old being too young for college, don’t you think?  By the time I was working for my Master’s, I at least showed up to class and usually even did the reading!

Anyhow it all turned out okay in the end, well, I suppose we aren’t to the end yet.  I taught for a long time, got married, got a dog, had babies, did some more teaching and now I’m a librarian.   I never aspired to be a teacher when I was in school, but that’s what I turned out to be halfway good at.  I wanted to be a writer; I still want to be a writer.  And I sorta want to be a painter.  (And I secretly want to be a world class figure skater. )   But somehow when you become a mom, your priorities get super clear, super fast.  When they are off to college, maybe I’ll finally get to that Great American Novel.

Anyway—experience-wise, I could have written this book, if I had any of Nicholls’ brilliance and wit and utter charm and talent.  For some reason it’s comforting—as we age—to realize that each part of ourselves : the lost teenager, the rebellious twenty something, the newly married, and then the grown women or men / mothers and fathers that we become—are all connected—one linked to the next.  Nicholls hits this nail squarely on the head without hitting the reader over the head.

It was wonderful to read a story about real people-- our age, who are making real life mistakes and then sort-of blundering on ahead anyway—falling in and out of lust, but ultimately learning about the undying strength of real friendship and true love.