O-mama - Opinionated Moms

• By Alison Jackson & Pictures By Judith Byron Schachner • 10 Comments
• Tagged in: For Kids

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I’ll never forget one of  my first freshmen English sections in college.  The teacher—probably a grad student—went around the table asking each of us which character in fiction we wanted to be and why.  I was horrified and petrified and the truth was I really wanted to be one of the Sweet Valley High Twins but I knew I couldn’t say that.  It had to be something literary and scholarly and so forth.  I wound up saying “Jo” from Little Women which I hadn’t even read.  Stupid answer.  I mean, Jo’s great and all, but I was trying to fulfill too many peoples’ expectations at once.  My peers—need to be cool, my professor—need to  sound smart.    God, there are so many better answers. 

But the only answer given that day that stuck in my wee brain was this one:  Wilbur from Charlotte’s web.  The girl who said this was a really cute sorority-ish girl who had tons of confidence and didn’t really care what anyone thought, and when the professor asked her why she chose the famous pig, she said, “ Because he gets really fat and everyone still loves him.”  Amazing answer.  And so true.

So as we head into the beginnings of the holiday season, the days are getting shorter and so are the work-outs.  The rain is here and so we bake!  We make fires and drink mulled wine and watch movies and eat popcorn.  The calories are flying, people, it’s time to arm ourselves!!

So really, Thanksgiving is coming up again—and when it comes down to it, isn’t it really all about the food?    Sure, we need to be thankful for what we have…we need to remember those less fortunate…we need to spend time with family…reconnect….turn off the TV’s, cell phones, computers, i-pods/pads etc.  But we also need to get our grocery lists in order and plan the menus! 

Every year, I think how fun it would be to get creative with the recipes.  November magazines are full of fun new yam recipes and cool healthy stuffing ideas, but honestly, God forbid you mess with the traditional menu around here.  There is one way to make stuffing and that is the way my mother’s mother did it—with sausage and a shocking amount of butter.  You make yams with brown sugar and marshmallows.  Cranberry sauce is from a can.  Sure, it may be better done naturally on the stove, but everyone will ask where the jellied CANNED cran is anyway, so why waste your time?   Believe me, these are strict rules.  One year my sister mixed CORN in with the peas and everyone balked.  Incredible creatures of habit in my extended family.  TWO dishes have remained on the menu YEAR AFTER YEAR and I have never eaten them nor has anyone in my generation or in the generation I and my sisters produced—those two dishes are…wait for it…creamed onions (pretty self explanatory) and tomato aspic—served with mayonnaise.  And if you don’t know what aspic is, I have three words for you: meat based gelatin.  That’s all you need to know.  So most years we potluck it and my mother brings those 2 dishes because it wouldn’t seem like thanksgiving for her or my dad without them—even though the rest of us can barely look at that jiggly glistening tomato and olive jello.  We also still serve celery sticks with spreadable cheese for appetizers—always, every year.  Why?  Because we always have.  That’s just the way it is with certain traditions—you don’t mess with them.

So this month’s kids book recommendation flies in the face of all that tradition.  It’s a silly, silly story that the LITTLE kids will love.    I Know an Old Lady who Swallowed a Pie is obviously a spoof of the original about the crazy old gal who swallowed a fly and wound up chowing down an entire horse and dying of course.  I always thought that was kind-of a creepy ending to be honest.  The old lady in this story doesn’t die, but she does get so BIG that she winds up a happy float in the Thanksgiving parade! 

She comes for Thanksgiving and proceeds to eat herself silly to the delight of the children and to the horror of her hosts.  She starts out relatively normal sized and fairly unassuming looking.  She grows a bit rounder with each hilarious illustration as the other guests try to keep her away from all the food.  “I know an old lady who swallowed a turkey…her future looked murky after that turkey!”  And on it goes—and the kids sing along with the catchy rhyming verse.   

This is a crazy and rambunctious tale about feasting gone wild—which is sometimes how it feels after some of these holiday feasts!  The story is perfect for the little ones who will appreciate the surprise of the “elder” in the story taking on the role of the ravenous rowdy!!  This book gives us some much needed laughs as we head into what can sometimes be a pretty stressful time of year!