O-mama - Opinionated Moms

• Isabel Gillies • 10 Comments
• Tagged in: For Moms

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This memoir received mixed reviews, but enough of the critics had enough good things to say that I read it despite an inherent shudder when I realized an actress had written it.  And in saying that I’m absolutely not saying actresses can’t write; Carrie Fisher has written some of my all time favorite books…no, I just think sometimes people shouldn’t try to do it ALL! Don’t be so greedy!  I mean does Bruce Willis really need to be in a band too?  Does Kevin Costner?  They are good actors making good money…do we have to go see their concerts too?  Is Mandy Moore an actress or a singer?  Focus, people! 

But there was that sort-of tabloidy element with this memoir even though I have never even seen a single episode of “Law and Order: CSI” and had never heard of Isabel Gillies before I saw the reviews.  But she is really good looking and I knew the crux of the break-up was the husband cheating, so the story had that Hugh Grant cheating on Elizabeth Hurley edge.  I mean if someone can cheat on Elizabeth Hurley?  What the hell?  Does anyone really ever have a chance?

PLUS…one of my very best friends is—as we speak—going through a divorce and so the topic—though somewhat everyday and mundane is slightly more of interest to me lately.  And, I might add—since I am in my early 40’s and most of my friends are approximately the same age….and have been married for approximately the same amount of time—10-15 years…and have approximately the same amount and aged children—2 or 3 tween-ish or early teenaged children—the whole divorce thing is kind-of a hot topic!  They are dropping like flies!  Not really, but yes, we do seem to be pretty representative of the national statistic – 51% of couples—so roughly half of the people you and I know will get divorced.  Sounds about right.  But you know what?  It sucks every single time.  As my friend can attest, if nothing else, it’s a giant pain in the ass—even when it’s “amicable” as they say…which it’s not in her case.  It’s kinda like labor—every story is a little different.

In Gillie’s story there is an element of “randomness” to the utter destruction of her marriage.  She is SO blindsided—that we too as readers wonder…is this man a psychopath?  Is Isabel a fool?  Should she have known?  Or, and this is really scary, can everything be truly hunky dory and still a man (or a woman) may just leave?  May just cheat and then leave?  Just because?  Happens every day. 

If one person in the relationship believes it to be truly idyllic, is it possible for her to be so disillusioned that she cannot even see or recognize, let alone understand, the dissatisfaction of her partner?  Or is it possible that a man (or a woman) could lead an entirely separate life—totally compartmentalized?  And if Gillie’s ex-husband were to have written this book?  What would he have to say?  Two sides to every story and all that…

One worries about the kids—blah blah blah…I know I know—this is a big deal but again—the title just kills me—it happens every day.  It really does?  What does that mean for us?  To our society?  Can one person ever satisfy all of another’s needs?  And will some men (or women) just never be able to get enough—not in a caddish, gross way—but in an honest and biological way.  Won’t there always be the new cows over the hill when the bull is done with this pasture?  My older sister’s daughter from her first marriage is 18.  All of her friends’ parents are divorced.  They all seem to be managing okay.  I don’t know—I think if the 2 people involved can act like adults and not cretins during the proceedings, then there is a definite chance of the kids not being wildly negatively affected. 

There are some scary, heartbreakingly truthful moments in this memoir and one has to commend Gillies honesty.  At one point she literally begs the other woman to leave her husband alone.  She goes down on her knees in the snow.  As the reader you don’t want her to do it and you know it’s too late but you do understand…She’s absolutely willing to forgive her husband his infidelity and take him back, but he flatly refuses her.  He has quite simply fallen in love with someone else. 

Marriage and divorce…marriage and children…marriage and just marriage—always about as complicated as it gets—and when a writer is as honest and detail oriented as Gillies—makes for an interesting read if nothing else.