Love and Marriage

“Has Santa Been Jingling His Bells?” Opinionated MAMA’s Perspective on CELEBRITY Infidelity

We don’t hear from Mrs. Claus much anymore…I wonder what is really going on there?  Did she leave Santa?  Did she get fed up with him ho ho ho-ing around?  Did Santa jingle all the way with a new, younger helper?  Did he crash his sleigh?  Is he sexting someone elf?  Are the Claus’ getting a divorce?  Who’s talking to the tabloids?  Oh, what fun…

We all know that celebrities, like Santa, travel all over the world and have people waiting in line to sit on their lap.  Given all the attention they get, it’s just a matter of time until they’re going to be naughty.  It basically comes with the job description.  Tis the season.

We have no idea what really goes on behind closed doors at the North Pole, but we have a pretty good idea about what goes on in front of them.  In this era of excess, over-indulgence and entitlement our celebrities do what they want, when they want, with whomever they want and we idolize them for it.  We put them on a pedestal and we desperately want to believe in the magic they seemingly possess.  If we wish it to be true, then maybe it will be.  Maybe they actually live the life we dream about.  We build them up into something we want to believe in.  I do believe in Santa Claus.  I do.  I do.

But, even Santa is just a man.  He’s a fantastic elf.  He is the best toymaker in the world.  But, if we pretend he is perfect, we are going to be disappointed.  We turn celebrities into these iconic brands to be worshiped, when they are mere mortals – we do the same thing in our own lives. It’s easier to project perfection onto someone else, like Santa and his wife….to step outside our own situation for a while and escape in a one horse open sleigh.  Nothing is perfect.  No matter how good it is, if we strive for perfection in people we will never be happy. It’s like the toy you had to have…remember the feeling? You have to take care of it, give it some love, tune it up, fix it when it breaks…take care of it and pass it down to your kids and grandkids.  Or, just get the new and improved model and throw the other one away.

This time of year, everything is merry and bright, right?  Well, as happy as we are supposed to be, the holidays are hard for some people…not enough money, not enough loving, not enough something…out of work, out of luck, out of your mind.  When that happens, it is much easier to look out and see what else is wrong in the world.  Who else is unhappier.  As screwed up as it sounds, it gives us comfort.  It’s definitely more fun to gossip about Mr. and Mrs. Claus than it is to look at our own fat, jolly, old guy and admit we have problems.  It’s not easy to tell him he’s gone too much…there are too many elves running around, we don’t have time for ourselves, let alone him…we need help trimming the tree…we don’t sing carols together anymore…he’s out of work 364 days of the year and it’s driving us crazy!

We might be afraid he’ll take off on a reindeer, find a new bell to jingle or put coal in our stocking.  So, we slowly turn into a scrooge and he turns to a hot little helper.  He might need something we aren’t giving him.  We might need something he isn’t giving us.  But, if we pretend there aren’t problems and just wrap them in shiny paper and tie them up in a big red bow, we might forget about them for a while, but we’ll never make it work.  We’ll always wonder what we’re missing.  What’s really inside.  What could have been.  Pretending what’s going on inside doesn’t really matter, as long as everything looks o.k. on the outside.  That is the beginning of the end.

Lack of communication is the number one reason marriages fail….not connecting, sharing dreams and goals, forgetting to tell your wife about the cocktail waitress you’re dating.  Between 40 percent and 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce in the United States.  Second and third marriages have even higher divorce rates.  According to statistics, second marriages fail at a rate of 60-67 percent, and third marriages fail at a rate of 73-74 percent.  (Celebrities and celebrity marriages are probably in a different statistical category altogether?!)

Unfortunately, guys are not the best communicators (sorry guys, if you are the exception, then hallelujah!). But, texting doesn’t count…oh and and Tiger, Bret and Tony…a resolution for the New Year is to STOP sexting your girlfriends.  It’s not courting and, yes, your wife will eventually find out!?!@!  So, we have to get them to open up…we have to look beyond the perfect Christmas card picture and unwrap the pretty paper of our lives and open up.  Know exactly what’s inside. Treat it like the gift it is – a little cheap, but fun…exciting, but hard to read…comfy and warm…complicated and challenging. Figure out how to put it together and use it.  If it doesn’t work, then fix it.  If we can figure out how to turn it on and off…work on it when we need to, play and laugh sometimes and remember why we wanted it so badly in the first place…then, we have a great chance at creating our own magic every day.  If we don’t want to become another divorce statistic, we need to work on communication all the time.  If we want to kiss the same guy under the mistletoe year after year, then we need to sit on his lap and tell him what we really want for Christmas.  If he doesn’t know what’s on our list, then he won’t know what to give us.

Merry merry.  Happy happy.

One Response to “Has Santa Been Jingling His Bells?” Opinionated MAMA’s Perspective on CELEBRITY Infidelity

  1. samomama December 7, 2009 at 9:28 am #
    Opinionated MAMA
    Party MAMAs

    The path to a healthy marriage isn't always the easiest. Good food for thought.

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